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Murphy’s Real Laws

>1.  Everyone  has a photographic memory. Some don’t have film.
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>2.  He  who laughs last, thinksslowest.
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>3.  A  day without sunshine is like, well, night.
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>4.  Change  is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
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>5.  Back  up my hard drive?  How  do I put it in reverse?
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>6.  I  just got lost in thought.  It  was unfamiliar territory.
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>7.  When  the chips are down the buffalo is empty.
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>8.  Seen  it all, done it all.  Can’t  remember most of it.
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>9.  Those  who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t.
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>10.  I  feel like I’m diagonally parked in a parallel  universe.
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>11.  He’s  not dead.  He’s  electroencephalographically challenged.
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>12.  She’s  always late.  In  fact, her ancestors arrived on the “Juneflower.”
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>13.  You  have the right to remain silent.  Anything  you say will be misquoted
>and  used against you.
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>14.  I  wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without  sponges.
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>15.  Honk  if you love peace and quiet.
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>16.  Pardon  my driving, I’m reloading.
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>17.  Despite  the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so  popular?
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>18.  Nothing  is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
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>19.  It  is hard to understand how a cemetery can raise its burial costs
>and  blame it on the higher cost of living.
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>20.  Just  remember if it wasn’t for gravity, we’d all fall off. (Or  up)
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>21.  The  50-50-90 rule:  Anytime  you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90%  probability you’ll get it wrong.
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>22.  It  is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end,
>someone  would be stupid enough to try and pass them.
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>23.  You  can’t have everything.  Where  would you put it ?
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>24.  Latest  survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of
>the  world population.
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>25. If the shoe fits, get another  one just like it.
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>26.  The  things that come to those that wait may be the things left
>by  those who got there first.
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>27.  Give  a man a fish and he will eat for a day.  Teach  a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day  drinking.
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>28.  Flashlight:  A  case for holding dead batteries.
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>29.  The  shin bone is a device for finding furniture.
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>30.  A  fine is a tax for doing wrong.  A  tax is a fine for doing well.
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>31.  It  was recently discovered that research causes cancer in  rats.
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>32.  Everybody  lies, but it doesn’t matter since nobody listens.
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>33.  I  wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few.
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>34.  I  started out with nothing, and I still have most of  it.
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>35.  When  you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people  who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury  duty.

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